I am seriously tired of that “I am not a child hater” apology. First of all, why would anybody even suggest that someone is a child hater? That’s just absurd. It’s like accusing someone of being a pigeon hater. This isn’t about somebody else’s children. It’s about one’s own body and one’s own life.
Even if a person isn’t overjoyed about someone’s kid — so what? Why should she be? I am not asking anybody to applaud my having — say — a goat. Then why should I appreciate a person having a small human in their life or in their household? A human who, by the way, will strain already overstressed resources and contribute to the destruction of our mutual home — our planet.
In Montenegro, not feeling like a ‘child hater’ is impossible for me. I don’t just resent children running and biking around like missiles on the loose — totally uncontrollable; it’s the mothers who amplify the effect by acting the way they do. Honestly, it’s hilarious.
From the age — so it seems — of four, women here are convinced that their only value and purpose in life is being a walking womb, a nurse, and a servant. They actually boast about that station in life. I am told it is a survival technique — to ignore the inner lies and bury the horror of self-betrayal. That would be fine if it didn’t affect me. But it does. The existence of thousands — millions — of such women screams at me that this is all a woman is in this particular place. And when you are stuck in such a place, it destroys you.
Do I think that such women could change, could open their eyes? Yes, they could. The question is whether the environment will ever allow them to open their eyes. Right now, in the place where I currently am, I don’t see this happening in the near future. If anything, social hierarchy, men’s need to see women subordinate and passive, consumerism and comparing yourself to others on social media only reinforce a woman’s belief that she is nothing more than a man’s posession, and a breeding and serving device.
Nobody has to appreciate somebody else’s child. And they have the right to be unhappy about said child.
No one demands that we love all of humanity — distant strangers far away. Someone else’s children are no different. In fact, they are harder to appreciate, because they don’t have personality yet and, in most parts of the world, are spoiled, self-absorbed, and destructive brats. Yet simply by being non-adults, they are granted the honorary you-have-to-love-them-no-matter-what status.
Well, I say that’s wrong. And I’m not doing it.
2025